Tuesday, September 7, 2010
GIVE ME BACK MY V-CARD ASSHOLE!
So I met this Harvard Hottie......Let's call him Hank!
Hank the Harvard Hottie happened to live in my building!
We met while working out in our gym. He cleverly made fun of my weight lifting skills while I pretended to enjoy working out.
I first realized he was a FI when he had a "birthday party" to go to every weekend, but could conveniently hang out every night after working out and before bed.
Hank knew I had my V-Card, but tried as many ways as possible to take it from me! To be honest I don’t which amazing line finally got me into bed. Here are just a few examples of his sweet (crazy) talking skills.
"You have to live life without waisting any moments. What if one of us was hit by a bus tomorrow? Wouldn't you feel horrible that you didn't take advantage our situation?"
" We can be exclusive babe!"
" Do you realize how lucky we are? How many people have someone they are attracted to living in their building?"
OKAY! I know! You can decide who was the fucking idiot for even listening!
Finally my Fucking Idiot light bulb went off one day at work! The hostess at my restaurant (the place Hank suggested I worked) let me in on some valuable info. The Jersey Shore wannabe let me know she and I had been sharing Hank the Harvard Hottie all along!
So what did I do? Did I cry? HELL NO! I got even!
After drinking 2 bottles of wine with Maggsta, we took a little trip to the 21st floor. You see Hank loved to leave ALL of his shoes out on a rack in his hallway. Let’s just say you can’t really get things back once they’ve gone down the buildings trash compactor! OOPS! HAPPY LABOR DAY!
And I am PROUD to say I've survived my first financial f*****! Here are some rules to live by so this never happens to you!
1.DON'T date in your apartment building!!! Unless you are willing to be stuck in an elevator with your future HANK after he cheated on you! TRUE STORY!
2. DON'T Let your first date be in his apartment! Unless you want him to think he can keep you a secret, sleep with you right away and not wine and dine you. MAKE HIM WORK!!
3. If you are telling your best friend about your situation and wanting her to tell you to get out of it.....IT'S NOT HEALTHY!!!!
1. REALLY? Having sex is a life/death situation? PLEASE DON'T ANSWER YES!
2. DON'T tell your girlfriend to get a job somewhere and then sleep with her coworkers! GIRLS TALK!
3. DON'T leave your shoes in your hallway! The girl you are dating/screwing over may or may not throw them and your precious shoe rack away!
4. GIVE ME BACK MY V-CARD ASSHOLE!!!!!