Friday, May 21, 2010

You want to buy me...WHAT?

Here's a fucking idiot line that is too good to pass up:

MY ROOMIE HAD SEX WITH THIS GUY AFTER A LONG NIGHT OF DRINKING. HE HAS BEEN BOOTY TEXTING HER EVER SINCE. HIS LAST TEXT TONIGHT HE SENT HER SAID
"HEY I'M AT THE BAR , WE SHOULD MEET UP! I WANT TO HOOK UP AND BUY YOU MCDONALDS!!!!

You want to BUY ME WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?
What's a good one night stand worth these days? A Shamrock shake and a cheeseburger?

FUCKING IDIOT.

Magsta's Thoughts on Fucking Idiots

The inspiration for our book, "Don't be a Fucking Idiot" came as all amazing ideas appear in my mind..somewhere between the hours of 1 and 4 am during a crazy rant of one shenanigan after the other...
Erin and I had just both just gotten off the phone, talking to guys, let's call them " Idiots".
I got off of the phone call(which was a TOTAL waste of night and weekend minutes) and I screamed to my roommate/partner in crime, Erndow( I call her 'E') "I wish I could scream to all guys; Don't be BORING & Don't be a fucking idiot!" E could NOT agree more..for it's all we bitched about, and felt my pain...and we got to talking. Then I shouted, "Let's write a book called, Don't be a FUCKING idiot!" The lightbulb was on, and E and I knew we were on to something good. We told all the women in our lives-who thought it was Genius of course, and we freaking scared our group of straight guy friends (Wonder if you're in the book? hmm..just wait and see boys!)

Now..don't get us wrong, we are not psycho feminists or "Man Haters, we're simply bright & brilliant women who refuse to stand back and watch one boring fucking idiot after the another insult our intelligence and break our hearts.

In "Don't be a fucking idiot" we hope to entertain & empower both men and women to take a stand and say "I DONT THINK SO, ASSHOLE"...or something to that nature.
Now, sit and relax with a glass of wine(or if you're like E& I...a bottle or three) and step into our f'ed up world.
Cheers!

XOXO
M

HAHA. THIS PHOTO IS GREAT!

Erndow's Favorite "Dick Up" Lines

There are many things a young woman learns when first moving to NYC... Such as how to use public transportation- do your own laundry and balance work and play. BUT no one has prepared us for this everyday battle of dealing with men.
Now I don't really think you would enjoy another book (OR BLOG) about how to deal with men- nor do we need another one. Instead we decided that THEY deserve a book. "Don't be a Fucking Idiot" is one of the many steps that men and any other Fucking Idiot needs to take to get on the right track.

I'm sure any man can attest to the fact that women normally look straight ahead and walk by while you're hooting and hollering. I'm also sure you wouldn't know what the hell to do if we turned around and said "Ok hottie let's fuck! Right now!"
Magsta (I call her 'MM') and I certainly have some pick up lines to stay clear of. (This is what we're really thinking when you say the things you say...)

You Say: "Damn..... I could sew a sweater out of all that pussy!"
(UGH. Sorry. I think I just threw up in my mouth.)


You Say: "Damn....that's why girls get raped!"

(Should I call the cops or just run?)

You say: "God bless you beautiful!"

(I am definately going to HEAVEN for all the times I was blessed this week!)


You say:
"Excuse me you dropped something (while pointing to the ground)....................my heart."

Keep in mind this is coming from the Subway eat fresh man while I was running to work and actually thought I dropped something. (FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!)


You Say: "Did you fart? Because you blew me away"

Do I really have to say anything about this one?


You Say: "I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access."

(Well, Here's Time Warner's number Jackass. DSL is so 2004)

You say: "If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!"

(Guess I NEED TO GO ON A DIET!)


Would you want anyone saying that to your daughter or friend who just moved to a big city?
If so.........YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT!!!

XOXO
E