Dick Message

We danced all night.
He grabbed my ass a bit, but was otherwise...a total gentleman.
We exchanged fun conversation.
He was cute...he looked like Xzibit.
We exchanged numbers. I should have known he was a 'Fing Idiot' when he added my number in his phone as 'sexy lady'.

I still had hope when I received a text that said "Goodnight Beautiful, it was great meeting you."
I'm now thinking "Awww...this guy is really sweet."
Yet,
.....two minutes later...
He said me a picture of his dick.
Really?
Thanks. Goodnight to you Fucking Idiot.

If you haven't caught on yet.

IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT ON YET......FI STANDS FOR FUCKING IDIOT......YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!!

LET'S HAVE A TOAST FOR THE DOUCHE BAGS!

HERE'S TO KANYE WEST AND HIS VMA PERFORMANCE!
THANK YOU KANYE FOR MAKING MY BLOGGING EASY TODAY!!! FI!

And I always find, yeah, I always find something wrong
You been putting up with my sh-- just way too long
I'm so gifted at finding what I don't like the most
So I think its time for us to have a toast

Let's have a toast for the douche bags!
Let's have a toast for the a--holes!
Let's have a toast for the scumbags!
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast for the jerk-offs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can

She find pictures in my e-mail
I sent this girl a picture of my, hey!
I don't know what it is with females
But I'm not too good with that, hey!
See, I could have me a good girl
And still be addicted to them hood rats
And I just blame everything on you
At least you know that's what I'm good at

See, I always find
And I always find
Yeah, I always find something wrong
You been putting up with my sh-- just way too long
I'm so gifted at finding what I don't like the most
So I think it's time for us to have a toast

Let's have a toast for the douche bags!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVWfxdlF1mo&feature=related

KANYE...Thank you for your insight.
Ladies...RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN FROM THOSE D-BAGS, A-HOLES, SCUMBAGS, AND JERKOFFS....(as we like to call them, FI'S)

WEAR IT!!!!

In honor of Pride today, I wanted to remind all of you kids to practice safe gay or straight love in a safe and fun way...

1. Cover Your Stump Before You HUMP
2. Before You attack her, Wrap your Whacker.
3. Don't Be Silly, Protect Your Willy.
4. When In Doubt, Shroud Your Spout.
5. Don't Be a Loner, Cover Your Boner.
6. You Can't go wrong, if you shield your Dong.
7. If You're Not Goin' to sack it, Go home and whack it.
8. If You think hes/she's spunky, cover your monkey.
9. If you slip between her/his thighs, be sure to CONDOMIZE.
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She/he won't get sick if you wrap your dick.
12. If you go in to heat, package your meat.
13. While Your Undressing venus, dress up your penis.
14. When you take off her/his pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse.
15. Never, Never deck her/him with an unwrapped pecker.
16. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
17. THe right selection will protect your ERECTION.
18. A crank with armor, will never harm her.
20. NO GLOVE, NOOOO LOVE.

HAPPY PRIDE!

P.S. HAVE YOU HUGGED A HOMO TODAY?

Why do hot chicks date DB's?

Unfortunately..no one knows the appeal of a Dousche.
but...
We've recently come across a blog just as tasty as ours that satisfies our D-bag hating selves.

It's called, Hot Chicks with DouscheBags.(HC with DB for short!)

Brilliant!

We love the "douschie awards" Closet of poo( which are an album of too tan doushies) and all the Bro-bags inbetween!

Gel your hair,Open up the Vodka, and enjoy!


Also Check out their book, on AMAZON.COM

hotchickswithdouchebags.com

Back to School.....Back to School.

Ahhh...back to school.
New Books, New Shoes...and Fucking Idiots.
F'ing Idiots...How we've missed you.

At least they're....grateful?
RUN FRESHMEN LADIES.. RUN!

Thanks to Chris for the great photo, Courtesy of St. Cloud State.

1, 2....3X's a Lady....

Check out this F'ing idiot...

Things were really hot and heavy with Rob. It was our second date. I was having a great time and I thought he was too..
Until he then RUINED EVERYTHING BY SAYING...
"Hey. This is the second date and you're still not giving me any. I really want to penetrate you. Please. What is it with you? Third times a charm or what?

Yep. The 3rd times is a door in your ass.

F'ing IDIOT.

GIVE ME BACK MY V-CARD ASSHOLE!

So I met this Harvard Hottie......Let's call him Hank!
Hank the Harvard Hottie happened to live in my building!

We met while working out in our gym. He cleverly made fun of my weight lifting skills while I pretended to enjoy working out.

I first realized he was a FI when he had a "birthday party" to go to every weekend, but could conveniently hang out every night after working out and before bed.

Hank knew I had my V-Card, but tried as many ways as possible to take it from me! To be honest I don’t which amazing line finally got me into bed. Here are just a few examples of his sweet (crazy) talking skills.

"You have to live life without waisting any moments. What if one of us was hit by a bus tomorrow? Wouldn't you feel horrible that you didn't take advantage our situation?"

" We can be exclusive babe!"

" Do you realize how lucky we are? How many people have someone they are attracted to living in their building?"

OKAY! I know! You can decide who was the fucking idiot for even listening!

Finally my Fucking Idiot light bulb went off one day at work! The hostess at my restaurant (the place Hank suggested I worked) let me in on some valuable info. The Jersey Shore wannabe let me know she and I had been sharing Hank the Harvard Hottie all along!

So what did I do? Did I cry? HELL NO! I got even!
After drinking 2 bottles of wine with Maggsta, we took a little trip to the 21st floor. You see Hank loved to leave ALL of his shoes out on a rack in his hallway. Let’s just say you can’t really get things back once they’ve gone down the buildings trash compactor! OOPS! HAPPY LABOR DAY!

And I am PROUD to say I've survived my first financial f*****! Here are some rules to live by so this never happens to you!

LADIES
1.DON'T date in your apartment building!!! Unless you are willing to be stuck in an elevator with your future HANK after he cheated on you! TRUE STORY!
2. DON'T Let your first date be in his apartment! Unless you want him to think he can keep you a secret, sleep with you right away and not wine and dine you. MAKE HIM WORK!!
3. If you are telling your best friend about your situation and wanting her to tell you to get out of it.....IT'S NOT HEALTHY!!!!

HANKS
1. REALLY? Having sex is a life/death situation? PLEASE DON'T ANSWER YES!
2. DON'T tell your girlfriend to get a job somewhere and then sleep with her coworkers! GIRLS TALK!
3. DON'T leave your shoes in your hallway! The girl you are dating/screwing over may or may not throw them and your precious shoe rack away!
4. GIVE ME BACK MY V-CARD ASSHOLE!!!!!

Idiot Pic of the Day!....

Need we say more.
Don't fall for this clever advertising, unless your looking for...well, crabs.

To BUMP-IT or NOT to BUMP IT..that is the question!

Come on.
NOT.
Guys, we know we're real tough on you, so this one goes out to the ladies.
What is that GOD AWFUL PLASTIC THING sticking out of your gorgeous HEAD!
REALLY?
We know you're brilliant, SOOO....
Take it off.
Throw it out.
Your bump-it is blocking my view, and is a DANGER to all pedestrians!
the only thing your Bump-It is good for...
is a WEAPON.

So ladies. Bump it the hell out of your head.
Love ya.